Greetings from Malta

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Greetings from Malta, where I will be living for the next two months.

Many of you are newly subscribed to my blog because of this recent adventure I’ve launched on. Some of you are long time subscribers to my heretofore neglected blog/newsletter. And while I will not promise a cadence in which I’ll write (hint: it'll be whenever the urge strikes me), you’ll be hearing from me more often.

Why am I writing now, some might ask? This past year has been a huge year of transformation. The Year of the Snake (unfamiliar to me when it started) did in fact yield a cycle of shedding the old to make room for the new. After divorce, as I contemplated what to do next, and where to go, it occurred to me…I have no partner, no kids, no pets, no debt, and no other obligations tying me to place. I have a job that is fully online and I can work from anywhere. For the first time in my life, I am completely untethered and realized that I can go anywhere in the world that I want. Thus, the idea of traveling around Europe, and perhaps the world, for the next two years was born.

The last 5 months have been a consistent push to wrap up my life in Bozeman, Montana, USA, with a neat and pretty bow, and here I am, 3 weeks into my grand adventure. I offered my blog as a way for my beloveds to keep abreast of my adventures, and for those of you who signed up from an interest in my work as a way-shower, midwife of transformation, and priestess in the healing arts, you are welcome to stick around, as I do plan for these writings to be relevant to all; for through my travel updates, I plan to weave in deeper considerations for the heart, body, mind, and spirit. And anyone is welcome to unsubscribe at any time with no hurt feelings here.

With that to orient us, shall we begin?

One of the millions of fossils embedded in the limestone that composes the cliffs of Malta.

Three weeks ago, I arrived in Malta after 24 hours of travel, and about 2 hours of sleep. At that point, I was ready to rest, and the glamour of the voyage had lost its glint. Malta, the tenth smallest country in the world at 1/10^th the size of Rhode Island, a state in the USA, is composed of 3 main islands. I settled into my residence on the island of Gozo, with a view of the Mediterranean sea out my window.

Since then, I’ve explored what some say are the most ancient megalithic sites in the world, sea caves, and the old cities and towns. At least 25% of the residents are expats, and Maltese and English are the official languages of the country. Being here feels relatively easy.

Ggantija, the megalithic site.

Goddess carvings found at the site.

There are so many caves to explore that if I stick to my goal of exploring each one I pass along the coast, I might forfeit my goal of circumnavigating the entire island. I will try to do both!

Yes, that's really the color of the water. No editing done to any photos...I'm not that photo savvy!

I hope you can feel the deep reverence these crevices inspire. The colors, the play of light, the sound of water lapping and sloshing...in one of them, it sounded like a fire-breathing dragon had taken up residence as the water was forced in and out of some small cranny. This was both awe-inspiring and unsettling at the same time!

The salt pans that dot the coast of Gozo. These date back to Roman times and are still used to harvest salt today. The process is fascinating!

More salt pans.

Salt pans from on high, and my home bay, Xwejni, pronounced sh-way-knee.

The Citadella in the capital of Gozo, Victoria.

On my third or fourth day here, I started to feel discontented. My body was still getting used to the time change, and I didn’t have a lot of energy. I had given myself a week off from work to acclimate, and felt I needed to be doing something with each day. Ah…how easily the cultural narrative of productivity sneaks in! Once I realized what was happening, I reassured myself.

“Julia, you live here now. Your job isn’t to wring the most out of every moment and see as many things as possible. Your goal is to simply live life as you’ve chosen for yourself. Chill.”

And I did. This fall into old habits reminded me how Thomas A. Kempis said, “You cannot escape it, run where you will; for wherever you go, you take yourself with you, and you will always find yourself.” Wherever you go, there you are.

So yes, here I am, in a new and exotic place. And, while my body may have left my homeland, all my foibles, shortcomings, gifts, and weaknesses tagged along with me. Over the past year, as I’ve settled into my new normal on my own, I’ve reveled in the sense of agency and freedom to choose anything I want for myself. I am deeply grateful for this privilege.

Packrafting is one of these things I choose for myself! Packrafting on the sea is a very different beast from what I'm used to: paddling rivers. I'm enjoying learning the new skills required of this new application for my trusty water steed.

Yet, despite this external freedom I have, the biggest threat to this freedom, for me, is internal. It’s the internalized capitalism; that my self-worth is directly tied to my productivity. This belief is what leads many to feel guilty when they rest, and to prioritize work over well-being. It’s the cultural narrative that tells us we should have the house, and the car, and the kids, etc…and for those who truly want those things, that’s wonderful! But for me, the freedom to choose is more important than stability and All The Things that go with it.

I want to live a simple life that is led by my internal rhythms, and my sense of what wants to happen next, instead of “should” or “has to.” I don’t want to fall prey to the endless trap of needing to increase my income and productivity to support the relentless cycle of maintaining and managing my possessions, all while becoming more deeply entrenched in the systems that are causing so much harm in our world today - not least of all, consumerism.

I needed to remind myself that it’s ok not to be constantly productive, and ever since then, I’ve been easing into the rhythms of this new place nicely. Long walks on the coast, reading and writing in cafes, snorkeling, and exploring the island are interspersed with seeing clients several days a week.

A beautiful sunset to cap off a marvelous day out on the water.

Getting here has not been easy. I blew up my entire, comfortable life and sacrificed security that many would be content with to make room to rebuild anew a life in alignment with my values. Having just celebrated my 41^st birthday, I look back on myself 20 years ago and wonder what would have happened if I had been aware of my ideals and made choices in alignment with them back then. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was abandoning myself and my values in order to get connection with others. “Take me, want me, love me! I'll slot myself into your life easily, with no trouble, just let me stick around!” some unconscious, desperate part of me cried.

I didn’t know at the time that I would slowly suffocate in a life crafted by the desire of others – in work, in love, in friendship – making myself and my needs and desires small so as not to threaten my tenuous connection to them. But I learned that connections forged from withholding my true self were no real connections at all. Connection at the expense of authenticity is false. How can someone truly be connected to someone who isn’t showing and being their true self?

While it hasn't been an easy journey these past 20+ years of adulthood to get to where I am...I wouldn't trade it for an easier road. For, beloved: how could I have transformed the lead of my depressed spirit into the gold I now feel at my core without the crucible in which alchemy is accomplished? We do not learn about ourselves in a vacuum. We learn what our heart and spirit yearn for by trying new things out, discovering it's not to our liking, and starting over again. And immediately, once I finally answered the call of my spirit, I found I was the happiest I've ever been, even amidst the smoldering ashes and ruins of my former life.

And so, here I am. On the horizon line of a fresh start. Committed to the devotion of my soul’s desires, and no one and nothing else. Coming face to face with myself everyday, and rooting out the vestiges of all the programming society and my family have instilled in me so I can authentically, unapologetically, be me. That is what this 2-year pilgrimage around the world is all about. And pretty pictures 😎

I welcome connection with you, dear reader! Feel free to share what this brings up for you, or share it with anyone else who might enjoy the musings of this Adventurologist.