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From the time we're born until the time we die, the people around us are hemming us in. They're not the bad guys - they're actually trying to help us. By hemming us in with their rules and expectations, they're doing the best they know to protect us; they're doing exactly what they were taught to do by those who came before them. But even with the best of intentions, these tethers that are hemming us in eventually end up so tightly tied that we have very little freedom to move within our lives. We become stifled and stunted, like a dog on a chain - seeing something exciting and running towards it, only to be yanked back before it can get near it. We, too, get held back by our unconscious tethers. And while the chain on the dog helps keep it out of trouble, in the end, by trying to play it safe, the dog lives a much duller life than it could have.  

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Until I woke up and saw all the tethers tying me down and helping me to play it safe, I couldn't stand my life, or the thought of going on another day sometimes. I've done a lot of tether cutting since then...here are a few of my favorites:

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"I have nothing of value to offer." When I believe I have nothing of value to offer, I don't even try...which keeps me safe from possible rejection and failure. A wonderfully protective tether, but not helpful if my life's purpose is to share my unique gifts with the world! Did I want to be safe, or fulfilled? I learned that success doesn’t usually come on the first try. If I wanted to achieve success on my own terms, I would need to be comfortable with failure.

 

 

freedom to fail = freedom to thrive!

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Eventually, I cut the tether. 

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"I have to do this <insert unsavory activity here> or else Important Person In My Life will be mad at me." Another tether meant to keep me very safe! Yet, it often meant doing things that were a big, fat "NO" for me on a deep, gut level - which led to some serious unhappiness. I would make myself do things I hated just to get the approval of others so as not to risk their displeasure. This was a great strategy as a small child, vulnerable and dependent on the adults around me for my survival, but living by the desires and whims of others meant ignoring my own desires and callings. What's this "one precious & wild life" without following my yeses? Well, eventually, life became so painful that I couldn't say "Yes," anymore.

 

"This is my life and I get to choose what to do with it, and my happiness is just as important as yours, and my own responsibility." Cut the tether.  

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I used to look in the mirror and say the meanest, nastiest things to myself. "You're ugly, no one's ever going to like you, " and "You suck at life. Too bad you're not cool," and other choice refrains. As long as I demeaned myself, it didn't hurt as bad when others did it - another well intentioned safety mechanism. I remember clearly the day when I was looking in the mirror after some negative self-talk, and something stirred within me. "Never again," I told myself. "From now on, you don't talk about yourself that way." It was the beginning of a much healthier relationship with myself. Cut the tether.

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