Bee Delighted

Little did I know that the bee that landed on my leg a few weeks ago had a message for me. I wondered, at the time, what it was, but brushed it off – the idea of a message, not the bee! I had been chewing on my life’s purpose question for a bit at that point. Now, a few weeks later, it’s become clear to me what that message was: be drawn to the nectar. It was a reminder to allow my motivation to come from inspiration, not avoidance in reacting to what I don’t like.

Last year, as I envisioned and crafted a new life for myself, and even before that, when I decided to leave my marriage, I asked myself what it was that I really wanted, and how I wanted to move forward in my life. It became so clear to me then, that all my life, I had made decisions on how to move forward based off of what was chasing me from behind. Decisions that looked something like, “I don’t like X, so I’m going to avoid it by moving forward in this direction and running blindly away from it. Anything but that!”

It dawned on me, and it felt so cool and fresh and RIGHT, that what I really wanted was to live my life not by running away, but from inspiration forward. The image of a honey bee came to mind. Bees will always open themselves to their senses and allow what they WANT, what delights them, to draw them forward in their explorations of the world, towards the brightest, sweetest flowers and their nectar. Divine succulence calls them forward, and they heed that call. They’re not running from anything.

I wanted to be like those bees. I wanted to live my life from a place of divine inspiration and delight; no more motivation from fear and avoidance of the things I didn’t like.

For years, some part of me had been whispering and yearning:

What is calling me?

I hear you calling me.

Where are you?

What are you?

Won’t you make yourself known to me?

And finally, I will come!

It took a long time to heed that call. For a long time, I heard it and knew what it was saying, but pretended it wasn't true, preferring to live in denial, believing there had to be another way. I had bound myself with contracts to others for much of my life that kept me from pursuing this inner knowing. But finally, I couldn't deny it any longer and it was time.

And so I stopped running. I turned and faced all the gremlins of my life and declared, “I will no longer allow myself to act in fear of you,” and then I calmly stepped off the cliff, confident that the net would appear. It did.

I trained my newly discovered bee senses on the path forward, and allowed my delight, curiosity, and excitement to chart the course. Anything and anyone who couldn’t join me in that had to go. The losses were devastating; but the only thing more devastating would have been to give up on my soul's desires; in living a life that delights me.

And so I thank you, little honey bee, covered in the spoils of your mad devotion to blissful wallowing in succulent flowers filled with nectar! Thank you for reminding me that I am currently wallowing in my own pollen filled flower. You are not wondering and worrying about what the next flower will or should be. “Will it appear? Will there ever be any more pollen to harvest ever again?!”

No! You are busy living in the moment and enjoying the abundance available to you here and now. You are trusting that all you need is available to you in every moment, in your goddess-given right to exist and receive all you need. You are trusting that when you finish reveling in the delight of this one flower, that when you alight on your wings into the sun and the breeze and the salty air and open your senses to your curiosity and inquisitiveness…there. There you will find the next thing that was promised to you at birth. For the universe didn’t create you to know lack…the universe created you to know and glory in the abundance that is available for you if you would but stretch out your hand and grasp it.

Thank you for landing on my leg to remind me what I had forgotten. Thank you for showing me the way forward and guiding my path. Thank you for teaching me. I choose devotion to my soul’s desires; I choose devotion to the path of the honey bee.

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