Circumnavigation by Sea: An Examination From All Sides

Happily enjoying the sunset at the completion of my goal aka slackrafting.

Want to automagically receive future blog posts? Sign up for my newsletter here.

---

Yesterday, as I write this, I accomplished my primary adventure goal in Malta – I completed my 30-mile packraft circumnavigation of the island of Gozo. In describing one of the legs of the journey to a friend recently, she reflected that she admires my ability to do that sort of thing; the planning, the route finding, the contingency planning, risk management, etc. I felt surprised at first, but then realized, “Oh yeah…this being an Adventurologist is something I’ve been doing for years and now feels easy, but it’s actually a skill that not everyone has.” Plus, it didn’t feel like something I was “good” at because embarking on the high seas is something entirely new to me and it was definitely outside my comfort zone.

And while that is true, what is also true is that I have enough other skills to make it happen. I knew that I didn’t know anything about seafaring, so I endeavored to fill that gap in my  knowledge (and subsequently scared the shit out of myself with stories of kayakers getting blown way off course, exit points on beaches with crashing waves and no other option, needing rescue, etc…I think this might be my first and last sea adventure!). I knew how to use mapping and weather apps to help pick advantageous wind and wave direction, routes, and emergency exit points along those routes, if necessary.

Cave + arch combo = awesome!

The first leg I did was right out my front door, and the most magical. The one where I discovered a sea dragon among all the sea caves. It ended on the west coast with the most stunning views of sunset. The trickiest leg came when I broke my rules and decided it was fine if I went out on a windy day since the wind was going in the right direction. WRONG.

As I left the sheltered bay of my put-in, I told myself it was ok to go back if I didn’t like it. And while I certainly did not enjoy that day in what felt like huge 5-foot swells, it didn’t feel overly dangerous. I reviewed my options and the risk as I neared the point of no return (I wasn’t sure if I could easily make it back to my put-in once I rounded the corner out of the inlet in the strong wind).

One of the only pictures I took on the day of the high seas. Those cliffs are big, and my neck hurt afterwards from craning my head, attempting to take in their glory.

If I kept going, I had to keep going for 5 miles – no other exit options amidst stunning, 400+ foot high cliffs. The swells seemed manageable, and I didn’t feel at risk of capsizing…it was just disconcerting to be grabbed and lifted several feet in an instant (kind of felt like being on a roller coaster, where the stomach drops!). If I did capsize, I had my boat secured to me with a tether and I could get back in my boat – no big deal, though I might get a bit chilly. Of course, tethers are a danger in their own right, but I had a knife to deal with that. Worst-case scenario, my Garmin inReach was on my person in case I did somehow lose my boat.

I decided to keep going. Little did I realize at the time that the biggest risk was an exploded bladder, as with the high seas, I didn’t feel confident trying to land anywhere. The biggest risk on every excursion is popping my boat on the vicious, jagged limestone present along much of each route. Landing points had to be carefully scouted. By the end of the day however, I felt much more comfortable on the waves. I’m not sure if they died down a bit, or I had simply gotten used to them.

My secondary goal developed alongside my first magical cave visits – that I simply must visit every cave I come across on the coast. Unfortunately, the heaving sea meant that I didn’t feel comfortable going into many of the caves along that leg. And on the first leg, there were so many that I didn’t have time to see them all as sunset approached and I high-tailed it to the take out! So, with that first goal achieved, I’m setting my sights on repeating those two legs to explore the caves I missed. Then, I plan to paddle to Camino Island to check out the Blue Lagoon, which looks stunning.

Just another magical cave. Why, yes! The water really was that stunning shade of electric blue.

The other challenge to all of these excursions is they require a lot of travel via foot and bus, not to mention the paddling. On my last leg yesterday, I could feel my body’s new strength. I had gotten a late start, and it was the longest leg yet at 7.5 miles. I knew what the goal was, but I also got to decide how I would do it. I’ve done enough wild adventures that were a slog; where miles were required to be made and fun or comfort foregone in lieu of meeting an objective. While I still participate in those sorts of trips occasionally, I purposefully choose trips and itineraries that are much more relaxed and leave room for enjoyment these days…like finding a secluded beach and stripping down to allow the sun to caress my skin, and feeling bare rock pressing into my belly and chest, full skin-to-skin contact with earth.

So I found I was reminding myself often about how I wanted to accomplish this goal; giving myself ample leeway and permission to dally. However, yesterday I was eager to accomplish my goal and didn’t want to fall short by two miles, thus needing to complete it at a later date. As the wind arose in the afternoon and with 4 miles to go, I found a surprise café by the sea and stopped to fuel up on cappuccino. 4:00 pm. Two hours to sunset. I reviewed the map and my options. In a mile, lie the harbor – the very busy harbor. As I had been approaching, I could see dozens of boats coming and going, all very fast and very big. I had neither a motor to be able to maneuver quickly out of the way of some of these behemoths nor size. I could take out at the harbor, or cross and complete my journey. I decided I would make my decision once I got to the harbor, depending on how I was feeling, what the wind and waves were doing, etc.

I got in my boat and embarked. I wasn’t super stoked with the waves and the wind was a bit much at times. While the direction seemed to be what was forecast, I was surprised by how it felt. I didn’t think wind in that direction would impact me the way it did. However, I felt strong. I was able to make strong strokes and wasn’t tiring. I’m sure that had something to do with the caffeine, which I don’t usually have, but had intentionally imbibed this time.

As I got to the harbor, I decided to keep going. The big ferries had either just departed, or were docked, and it seemed like a good window to cross. I paddled like mad and made it. As soon as I crossed the harbor, the waves also calmed. It must have had something to do with being in the channel between islands, or perhaps with all the boat traffic and their wakes.

Making friends hasn't been easy, but this little guy sure was friendly and seemed to appreciate having my leg to rest on!

As I kept paddling, I was mentally hearing Luc Mehl’s voice as I assessed my risk exposure. He’s a risk management educator for adventurers and runs an amazingly informative course called Start and End At Home. If you like to adventure and want to up your safety game, I highly recommend it. One of the concepts discussed in the risk management industry is the swiss cheese risk model, which goes something like: tragedies and near-misses don’t typically occur because one big, bad mistake was made. They are oftentimes the result of several mistakes made on top of each other, and if each decision is a slice of swiss cheese stacked on top of each other, sometimes the holes align perfectly and allow tragic circumstance to get through.

So as I paddled and sunset approached, I wondered, “How many holes are lined up in my swiss cheese right now?” I felt confident in my decisions and the potential risks, but it’s a question any good (i.e. alive) adventurer will ask themselves, and frequently.

Apparently, there weren’t too many holes in my cheese because I made it to my take out just fine, beneath a  marvelous sunset. Birdsong filled the air, and, even more remarkably, I had some solitude. My least favorite thing about Malta is how crowded it is. It is the most densely populated country in Europe. Before my arrival, I knew I needed nature often to replenish myself, but what I hadn’t realized is that I need to have solitude in nature. I had taken it for granted in Montana and the U.S.!   

I couldn't have done it without my lucky Brita filter! In actuality, running errands without a car is such a pain in the butt that I couldn't resist picking up this item as I conveniently happened to walk past the right store on my travels to and from this put-in.

While I’ve achieved one of my purposes here, a larger question of “what is my purpose in LIFE to be?!” has been nagging at me. I keep having this feeling like I’m supposed to be doing something Big and Important with my life. In my women’s group meeting a few weeks ago, someone mentioned how much they dislike the common saying and idea of “living up to your highest potential.” What pressure this puts on us! As if to intimate that a normal, quiet, well-lived life isn’t good enough. What the heck even is our highest potential anyway?! And who says that that’s the point of life? I hadn’t thought of it this way before, and upon further reflection, it sounds to me like internalized capitalism sneaking in through the spiritual backdoor!

I took this question into my meditation the other day, as it’s been troubling me; this anxiety that I’m not doing enough. That I’m supposed to be and do more than I currently am. In reality, this is ludicrous. Who I am in this moment is exactly who I “should” be. The universe and trillions of occurrences have all aligned in just a particular way to bring me to this exact moment where I stand. There’s no other place I could be, no other thing I could be doing than what I’m doing right now; so there is no “should.” Just what there IS. Which is this present moment. And what I saw clearly in my meditation, is that my only job is to follow my highest excitement. I was reminded of what my teacher Bashar espouses: out of the choices in front of me right now, which one is most exciting to me? Great. Do that. Do it without attachment to outcome, take it as far as I can/want to, address any limiting beliefs that arise that would keep me from doing it, keep a positive outlook no matter what happens, rinse, and repeat.

One of my highest excitements is picking flowers and making arrangements. The wildflowers here have been absolutely stunning, and everywhere.

I clearly saw that my insistence on knowing where my life was taking me is holding me back, causing anxiety, as well as utterly impossible. No one can know the journey in front of them. I don’t need to decide, “I am going to be an impactful human in society,” and figure out how to do it, I simply need to be in touch with my true essence (which I believe is a force of good, not evil), follow it, and positive impact will occur. And like any journey, I can only see the next step or few ahead of me. Who knows where my steps will lead me over time? Who knows what will occur?

And of course I feel like I should be doing more. I’ve read hundreds of novels where the heroine or hero is at the center of some huge, world-altering saga. All the content I ingest is created by someone who has huge followings. Success in our society is often seen as having millions of followers, making gazillions of dollars, and all the trappings that come with. So again, the toxic conditioning of the over culture is sneaking in and causing me to question and doubt myself, causing suffering in my day to day life when instead, I could just be enjoying myself and the journey I’m on.

And so, now I need to listen internally. What do I want? What would most light me up? Because when I do that, and my heart is full, there can be nothing but good outcome for the world. When my heart is empty because I am dutifully following all the “shoulds,” I am a raving bitch and a scourge upon this earth!

So as I plot my course into the unknown future, I promise myself devotion to my soul’s desires. Even if it seems silly or bound not to lead to the conventional ideas of “success,” and regardless of what others think of it. MY definition of success is more important. I’ve lived too many years feeling suffocated in a life that measured wonderfully by society’s standards, but was killing me. Nothing can hold me back now. Oh wait - except myself! Luckily, I'm fully in control of that.

I’m glad you’re here, dear reader, following along. Thanks for being here. I hope you benefit from reading about my journey 💖